Be Compassionate with Yourself
Let your holiday grief be what it is. And let yourself — your new grieving self — be who you are.
Survive
If the death was very recent, you may be in survival mode this holiday season. If that’s true for you, it’s OK – the world will keep turning whether you participate in the holidays or not.
Keep What Matters
You might consider simplifying your holiday rituals instead of abandoning them altogether. Keep the traditions that matter most to you and set the others aside, at least for now.
Communicate Your Wishes
Muster the strength and courage to tell the people in your life what your sishes are for the holidays. If you’d like their company but prefer to gather somewhere different than you usually do, say so. If you’d rather skip some of the celebrations this year, tell them. If you’re feeling unsure about how to spend the holidays, tell them.
Attend a Remembrance Ceremony
Many hospitals, hospices, and funeral homes host remembrance ceremonies during the holidays. The act of joining together in our grief and ritualizing our mourning can be very healing. Especially early in their grief, many families say it was the most important thing they did during the holidays.
Hang a Special Stocking
If your holiday traditions include hanging stockings, consider hanging a special stocking in memory of the person who died.
Be a Secret Santa
You could probably use some “feeling good” this holiday season. Give yourself a dose of pleasure by giving to someone else.
Prepare Favorite Holiday Foods of the Person Who Died
Special Foods are an important part of the holiday traditions. Chances are your family prepares many of the dishes each holiday, and everyone looks forward to those unique smells and flavors.
If You’re Alone, Find Ways to Connect
If you’re alone this holiday season, you would be well served to make an effort to connect with other human beings. Invite your neighbor to dinner. Volunteer at a homeless shelter or nursing home. Join a group at a place of worship.
Make an Appointment with a Grief Counselor
Seeing a counselor or spiritual advisor for just a session or two over the holidays may help you cope better and focus more on what is important to you this year and what is not.
Count Your Blessings
Think of all you have to be thankful for. This is not to deny the hurt, for the hurt needs to take precedence right now. But it may help to consider the things that make your life worth living, too.
Believe in a Better Next Year
Believe in your capacity to heal and grow through grief. Believe in the enduring holiday spirit of giving and love.
From the TAPS Archives.